Lessons From Bad Yoga

I started yoga right after I had my youngest child. I don’t think I’d even been practicing for a week when I was diagnosed with postpartum hyper thyroiditis.   One troublesome symptom that I was having that didn’t really fit was joint pain; my wrists ankles and knees ached like they never had before. It took me several years to realize that the cause wasn’t PPT but bad yoga. That was humiliating… Like wake-you-up in the middle of the night with the cringing-stupids humiliating.  

The only reason I even got into yoga was because it looked easy and all my friends were doing it. It wasn’t and they quit within a month or two.


 I kept coming back to yoga though. I constantly circled and stabbed at it the way a cat does a snake; As in “It will probably hurt me, but it is just irresistible!“. I took a few classes but I felt like a blubbery sea lion among graceful, beautiful otters. After a few classes at the Rec I figured I had it down and could practice at home with YouTube vids and dvr’d PBS 80s Yoga! reruns.  

Insert cringy-stupids

Fast forward 4 years. I’ve been doing half-hearted yoga on my living room floor for a while and decide to take up running. I joined a running group at my local rec, and ran a 5K. In fact, I was up to 3 miles every other day for a while. It was pretty great but my neck hurt all of the time. My knees hurt all of the time.

I limped along that way for quite some time but then the day after Christmas the following year I threw out my back. I’d never done that before. It was awful, I couldn’t believe the agony. After that I because over cautious and careful. I started to really get into the connections that every muscle group has to each other and the importance of preventive maintenance on this old body of mine. Which led me right back to YOGA. 

The more I learned about muscle connections and interactions and the resultant joint health importance, the more fascinated I became. Not only did my pain finally go away but I understood my body and mind connection in a way I never had before. My natural inclination is to go as fast as I can when exercising. Go fast, go hard, and get done. It’s great for my ADHD side because my  brain is constantly looking for what’s next… ready to move onto the next thing. Yoga is more of a challenge in this respect because it’s about slowing down, and being in a moment. It’s about precise movements and intentional breathing. It’s about noticing things we might take for granted (our posture, our breathing, our inner thoughts) and allowing them our total focus if only briefly. For me yoga is a practice of intention instead of impulse, which is a constant ADHD struggle. 

So, for the past year I’ve been committed to yoga everyday and these simple rules:

Good Yoga 

1. Do it right. 

2. To do it right, I have to go out and learn from (and observe) other yoga students. 

3. To learn from other yoga students I have to stop worrying if I look like I know what I’m doing and start actually knowing what to do. 

I’m really focused on my practice now and I take every new class, workshop and class I can find. My greater understanding of yoga has opened up a mystical spiritualism I didn’t know existed in me. 

But mostly, good yoga feels GOOD. 

Do you have any bad yoga stories? I’d love to hear them!

Namaste- Missy

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Mermaid Tail, Crochet Fail

Oh sure, it looks cute…


But. 

It took 7 hours & 3 skeins of fancy yarn. So, basically this thing is worth about $100, LOL. 

I love to crochet, but I get bored halfway through. I’ve made some pretty neat things, but completion isn’t always my strong suit! Once it is finished, I’m off crochet for ages. 

There will be no tutorial to follow, because never again. 

Until the next time, anyway ūüôā

Do you have any projects you wish you’d never started? Tell me about it! 

Missy

Impulsive Fixation & Our ADHD Family 

Hyper focus is a debatable characteristic of ADD/ADHD… if you ask the experts. If you ask me (and my kids) you will get no debate; it exists and it will jack you up if not deliberately managed. 

The first step to controlling the characteristic is to identify it. I didn’t really recognize it in my own personality until I started noticing it in my youngest son. His impulsive nature leads him to leap from an interest  in a certain subject, fandom, toy line etc., to a total all-encompassing infatuation in no time flat. 


In the past 3 years or so, LT has cycled through a passionate and total absorption in The Wiggles, Octonauts, Max & Ruby, Superman, Trains, Ninja Turtles, Hot  Wheels,  Power Rangers, Baseball Cards, Captain America, Iron Man and Pok√®mon… And with each newfound interest he becomes overwhelmed with the “desire to acquire” (as I call it). He becomes completely captured by the intense fascination and has an unbelievably difficult time transitioning to the things that need to be done. Like schoolwork. And chores. And eating. 

It’s my job to guide my ADHD children on how to manage the different aspects of their lives, and I must be especially careful to address their focus issues. It’s heart-breaking to have to tell them that they are different, and the only balm I have is to give is a positive spin gleaned for decades of self-examination. 

Hyper focus has some useful applications in real life. Recognizing the trait can be a wonderful discovery; it speaks to an ability that we may not have known was even possible! It can allow people that struggle to regulate attention span to balance interests and necessities by giving a brief but intense capacity to accomplish tasks. If we give ourselves permission to immerse ourselves in the joy of our latest obsession after we accomplish our set tasks and chores we are training ourselves to employ a more “normal” time-management style. 

So, I manage LT’s time for him. As he’s just six, I think it’s okay but I believe it’s crucial that I explain everything we do.  I want him to eventually manage himself, so I keep my instruction brief, repetitive and use short phrases like:

*Lets spend five focused minutes on cleaning so we can spend ten fun minutes on Legos!

*If we focus on this homework, we can knock it out and have time for two “Phineas and Ferb”s!

I used to worry that I was making daily tasks too much of a negative but then I decided that they are called chores for a reason. So, we treat them as such by getting them out of the way and moving on to our most recent, and probably fleeting interest. 

Just a soon as I’m done with this blogpost… Does anyone want to play Pok√®mon?


Please visit me on Instagram @missymrsmom

Missy


Mom Trauma- Saying Goodbye With Grace

Children are a blessing, I truly believe that. I also believe that if potential parents knew the torment of extraneous defiance, nobody-wins power struggles, and the possibility of utter failure that looms towards the end of our parenting journey… We may have fewer humans around. 

Fowl Language Comics c.Brian Gordon @fowlcomics

My three kids are my greatest joy and most agonizing responsibility. My parenting skills have developed in a lurching, uneven way and I struggle with that and I’m guessing I always will. The great unknown outcome of my success as a parent is nearly unbearable some days. Especially because my two oldest are adults. Immature adults to be sure; but adults with, goals, ambitions and rights of their own. 

I’ve been honest with my adult kids about my struggles and learning experiences, I’ve acknowledged my failures and how I managed to recover from failure. I’ve tried to be a good role model and to prepare them to manage themselves.  Have I allowed them to see my faults in a way that shows them that we are both just humans at different phases? Or do they see me as so fundamentally flawed that my advice until now is suspect? 

I’m nearing the end of my run as their life-manager, and I have no option but to allow them to make their own choices. Have I fulfilled my parenting responsibility? Was my best good enough? 

My son is finishing his first year of college and has chosen to get ahead with summer school, eschewing a trip home to visit. My daughter is ready to move out after her senior year. I can’t stop them from choosing to do things, or choosing not to do things, that will shape their lives from here on out. I weep over our distant, sometimes hostile, relationships as they are now. Will I miss the passive aggressive bitterness, the power struggles and toxic tensions that sometimes invaded our home? No. And I mean NO. In fact, I’m really looking FOWARD to a break from that

I will miss them, of course; they are parts of my soul that I can’t protect anymore. I can’t surround their tender hearts with my mommy-armor any longer. So, as ever, every wish on a star or eyelash and morning prayer is for them and I wish them well with every heartbeat and breath I take. 

Photo credit: zorro4

As they say hello to their independent lives, I hope I can say goodbye to their childhoods with grace. I see their potential and I’m so grateful for the gift that is them. 

Your Kid Is a Punk

Sometimes. 

So is mine. 

I saw a mom today at drop off. I’ve seen this mom and her girls every day for months. I don’t know her, but she’s always there to see her girls off with hugs and something nice to say. Today she said goodbye to the oldest girl, who whipped around and whined, “Why are you so mean?”

The mother looked heartbroken. And exasperated. And a little ticked off. 

Oh how I felt every one of her feelings with her. 

How am I being mean?”She quietly asked the daughter who replied; “I don’t knooooow.” Mom hugged her girl again and said, “We’ll talk about it later. I love you.

I was so moved by this mother’s moment with her daughter. She handled the situation so well (although it looks like she had some practice). When that mother walked by me as I waited at the gate with my my youngest I stopped her.

I said: I see you every morning being an awesome mom to your girls. You are really good at this.  

I don’t know if I should have said anything; it might’ve come off as weird. But I know that if I hadn’t said anything I would’ve regretted it. She smiled and thanked me and went on her way. 

Our kids don’t know that every day, when we say goodbye to them, we’re  letting a little piece of our heart go with them. We let them go out in the world and we can’t help them, guide them, or be right there to make their life easier. We do this because we want them to be independent and mature adults someday… but it’s still hard for us every day. I hope that that mom knows that she’s doing great job, and that she knows that we see her. 

zorro4

40 Days of Kindness

Today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. Our family is a part of the UMC and while we don’t ‘give up’ anything we do embrace Lent as a time to¬†focus on simple living and prayer as a way to grow closer to God.¬†

(This is really nifty Lent synopsis.)
A couple years ago, I got into a fascinating conversation with our Reverend about why we don’t generally choose to give up a luxury or fast daily. She suggested we intensify our concentration on God and re-focus our lives to be more in line with Jesus. She also gave me a few ideas on things that we could do as a family¬†that would strengthen our Christian commitment.¬†

Boom! 40 Days of Kindness was created!
Each day during the Lenten season, we try to do at least one random act of kindness. Some of the things we’ve done:¬†
*take a prayer walk around the block and pray for our neighbors 
*send a happy email 
*pray for a different family every night
*pay a genuine compliment to a stranger 
*spend 15 minutes cleaning up a park
*bring a healthy treat for Sunday School
*tape a couple dollars to the redbox
*leave quarters in a tiny toy vending machine (this is my Little Tyke’s fave!)

Feel free to join us and share your R.A.K. ideas in the comments ūüôā


Love Songs & Sweethearts

When¬†I used to think of love songs I had flash backs to 90’s high school dances The big angsty songs by Depeche Mode, The Cure and (no kidding) Bryan Adams were our slowdance anthems.

(Insert awkward picture with big bangs, plaid clothes & tall, skinny kids)

Then, as I got older, a lot of the love songs were throwbacks to the pop-rock classics. Our wedding CD, arranged by the groom, was half old-fashioned torch songs from the 70s and half early 2000’s club music. Our wedding song was “Lady”… Our dance songs were “In da Club” & “Hey Ya”. Don’t judge… The DJ liked it so much he stole the CD & used it for the rest of the cruise!
Yet now when I hear certain songs, my precious baby angels are the only thing I think of;
“Hello” from Adele- It reminds me my first year College Kid, who doesn’t think of me much… And that’s exactly how it should be right now,
“Photograph” by Ed Sheeran¬†evokes tender memories of my Sassy who is anguishing her way through her last few teenager years,¬†

(Cutest baby girl ever)


And “Flashlight” brings to mind my sweet and sensitive first-grader that struggles everyday but keeps going, and he keeps me going, even on days that just seem to have more trouble than triumph.¬†

So, am I alone in this? Do you think of your kids or your hubs when the emotional tunes come on the airwaves?