Of all the amazing things that have happened in the past, the initial achievement of penicillin (and in its wake, other antibiotics) changed the world. It has allowed us to liveEdit through infections that used to kill us. It has allowed children to reliably make it through childhood without ruined eardrums and saved them from death via strep throat or tetanus.
This brings me to murkier waters of chemical relief.
I have ADHD and anxiety. Which came first? No idea, they’ve just always been there; feeding off each other and feeding off me. Impulsive choices led to guilt and fear, which led to the frantic and overwhelming need to feel better, which led to impulsive choices which led to… and so on.
Over decades of hasty impulse-driven choices, over-corrections and desperate attempts to be better I’ve gotten to a place where I can manage my symptoms. However, I cannot manage them alone. I’m constantly in preventive measures mode. I surround myself with people who are a good role models, I am mindful and intentional, and I look to know myself so I can be the best version of myself.
I am, admittedly, easily and often overwhelmed. It is not uncommon for me to become so caught up in my chaotic anxiety-provoking life that I cannot pull myself out of the moment, and that can lead to regrettable choices. Yoga and meditation are great but sometimes I need drugs. No I’m not talking about pot (even the legal stuff) but Adderall and Ativan can be lifesavers.
No matter how amazing these drugs have been for me, I still sometimes feel ashamed of my need for them. My logical side knows that they are a necessary component to living my best life but occasionally a mean little inner voice tells me I shouldn’t need them.
That voice is a liar.
And so. I strive to take only what I need, and give more than I take. I’ve learned to take help how I find it. There IS enough help to go around and it’s our to responsibility to use what help we are given with eyes open and a willingness to give back. Most importantly, hindsight is a gift to be taken. Every experience has a lesson.
My most recent lesson? Mindfulness and medication are a path to peace. It might be a long road, but I’m still going to take it.